edelnacht

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:39:24 GMT

-haven't posted in awhile. here's something i drew up recently. nothing special

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:23:09 GMT

-against my better judgement, i am now going to post this thing. i realized about a week ago that i very rarely draw anything cute. this is intentionally cute. try to not die.

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:43:05 GMT

recently, i keep getting reminded of a very comforting thought.

no matter how eccentric you are, no matter how crazy you think you are, and, most importantly, no matter how alone you feel in this world because of these things, there are others out there that are the same as you. you just have to be patient, never giving up hope. meeting them is inevitable.

you are never alone forever.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:10:11 GMT

and, now i'm 23. all i've got to say is: FUCK YOU, DARWIN! I'VE SOMEHOW SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR!

furthermore, something posessed me to write a bio for my LJ. gods, what horrible path am i walking down

-no real relevance to this pic, aside from that it is in honor of the hunter's moon (Nov 2), and that it is the last drawing i did as a 22 year old.

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:38:20 GMT

well, this quiz intrigued me. had to give it a shot.

I am:

William Gibson

The chief instigator of the "cyberpunk" wave of the 1980s, his razzle-dazzle futuristic intrigues were, for a while, the most imitated work in science fiction.

Which science fiction writer are you?

hm. i think i'll take it. gibson is pretty damn good.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 03:24:47 GMT

what the hell is this. i haven't posted this often since... well... years ago-- back when drawing was new and exciting to me. suddenly have the desire *and* time to draw, and i'm *actually* doing it instead of being a lazy ass. even if it's just a bunch of random sketches, i'm actually *doing* something. it's... unsettling.

-random sketch. on a related note, i HATE latex gloves.

EDIT-- OCT 29, 2009, 8:24

holy CRAP, i can't let this one go. CNN.com has recently redone their website. not a big deal. however, i noticed today that they replaced their "crime" section with... a "justice" section. gods, i hate abusing words in such a manner. cnn, your bias is showing.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 02:42:15 GMT

-while studying for the chem GREs, my brain got all melty. this is the result.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:17:46 GMT

happy mole day, everyone! it's like christmas for chemists!

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 01:38:27 GMT

too much stress. too much fucked up shit going on. thank god the week is almost over. not that it'll help.

-i've always used drawing as a stress relief. it is amazingly meditative. you know it's bad when i break out the colored pencils. also, this one is inspired by "Further" by Lifeforce (originally by VNV Nation). LOOK IT UP, DAMNIT

at the end of days
at the end of time
when the sun burns out
will any of this matter?

who will be there
to remember who we were?
who will be there to know that
any of this had meaning for us?

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:30:51 GMT

STOLEN FROM yandered

i've got a silly little fascination with horoscope-esque things that try to tell you what you're like based off of when you're born. all too often is the scorpio horoscope accurate enough that i give them a second look. this one just struck me as eerie.

here's the deal:
1. Pick the month of your birth.
2. Bold the 5-10 things that most apply to you
3. Strike out everything that doesn't apply to you.
4. Place the list of all the months under a cut

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. ~~Can become good doctors.~~ Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. ~~High-spirited~~ (well, maybe sometimes).Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. ~~Not able to control emotions~~. Unpredictable.

Well, at least that's what i think about myself -- which is sometimes not as accurate as i like. still, waaay too much on this one for the 10 positive limit. if i had unlimited, then it'd look something like this:

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. ~~Can become good doctors.~~ Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. ~~High-spirited~~ (well, maybe sometimes).Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. ~~Not able to control emotions~~. Unpredictable.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. (well, kinda!) Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

.

anyway, now on to the art.

-NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRAW WINGS, DAMNIT! XD

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 22:44:39 GMT

Despite my efforts to keep this primarily an art livejournal, putting up images typically dealing with a part of my life, advancements in drawing technique, comics, etc. i feel the urge to occasionally throw things on here for my own selfish purposes. when faced with a really difficult situation, i have found that i can always make things more rational and logical by actually writing out what i feel. even more, from time to time, i will draw... cathartic... images. usually i either destroy them afterward, or stash them away, but this one posted below was just beyond me to destroy.

so with that said, everything under this cut is primarily for myself. if you feel compelled to read it, be warned that it could be filled with some rather personal information on an experience that the vast majority of you know nothing about. a part of me keeps yelling at me 'don't put this up,' but the winning part is saying 'write it down. put it up. it'll help you heal.'

i fell in love. truly in love. i didn't think such a thing existed, but i was proven wrong in the most extreme way. things were great--maybe even perfect. i was constantly happy. there was never a cloud in my metaphorical sky, and i swear there were cute fluffy bunnies everywhere. and to the best of my perception, things were mutual.

i was in this state for 8 months.

without any warning, things imploded. we were fine one day, then the next, she woke up and... felt nothing for me. she left me. over the course of those months, she became the only thing i cared about, my only reason for existance, an infinite source of happiness, a reason for living. and then it all vanished. she didn't know why it happened. she said i did everything right. she didn't understand why it happened, but she quickly accepted that it did and moved on.

i cried. for the first time in 9 years, i cried. real tears. tears of hopelessness, tears of pain, tears of true sorrow.

i was haunted by the experience. normally, my mind is constantly thinking, questioning everything from what i would do that evening to the meaning of existance. from that night onward, even if i started thinking about something else, my thoughts always came back to her. i felt sorrow, i felt betrayed, i felt the yawning chasm of hopelessness opening up underneath me inch by inch. but no anger. anger, which i have used in the past as a desparation source of strength was absent. i couldn't be angry at her. i loved her, and all i wanted was for her to be happy--even at the dire expense to myself. depression of the worst kind set in.

i lated 2 months before my emotional endurance gave out.

i had a breakdown. one that could have been... deadly... if i didn't have the support of two of my dearest friends to ground me safely out of it. i cried. i felt the poison and rot that had been festering in my soul for so long slowly seep out. the next day i woke up, and it was like being reincarnated. my thoughts, as always drifted back to her, but i didn't hurt anymore. i went through that day without feeling the pain. i was able to start thinking constructively about the whole thing. and, now, a month later, it hit me out of nowhere that if she were ever to try to get back with me, i wouldn't be able to do it. before this point, i knew that i would cave in an instant if she were to even hint at the idea, i'd be at her side in an instant. but not anymore. i am past her. i am... free. free of the depression. free of the pain. free of the demons constantly hauting me.

I want to love again.

-in some of my darkest moments in the past 3 months, my thoughts kept drifting toward suicide. i am UTTERLY opposed to the idea, but a voice of pseudo-logic kept whispering in my ear that it would end the pain. i wouldn't have to endure the pain anymore. i could leave this world that for my entire life has done little more than kick me. and, as i emerge into the light, i realize the futility of such thoughts. it never solves anything, and the act itself is a waste. suicide is futile. it may end the pain, but it will also end your pleasure. things will get better, as they always will. you will be happy again. you just have to endure. (again, this is an image i would normally refrain from sharing. i just find it too compelling to hide)

...i need to get so drunk.

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 23:34:34 GMT

so i downloaded a free version of the art software known as gimp. it loads fast and does everything i ask and more, with an easy to use interface.

-though i struggled a bit with getting the layers to work, i managed to whip this thing up in about 15 minutes (the final sketch that you now see taking about 5 to do)

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:08:45 GMT

the result of an inside joke gone horribly, horribly wrong. this is a metroid talking on a bannana phone.

--and, THIS CONVERSATION ACTUALLY HAPPENED between my boss and I

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 02:41:14 GMT

so, on to some art. i've drawn some stuff over the past month. just haven't been able to get the ambition to hook my scanner up.

also, don't forget to go here! -- http://black-the-fox.livejournal.com/

-didn't realize this until later, but you can see the outline of the next sketch in the background

-that sketch being this one

-more experimentation with backgrounds

-and another random sketch

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:51:46 GMT

GO HERE: http://black-the-fox.livejournal.com/
there? now bookmark it.

i've decided to celebrate full time employment by actually attempting to do a full time comic. i'm going to give weekly updates a shot, starting with page 1.

does this mean that this jornal will be abbandoned? probably not. this one'll just function as a general art journal.

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:37:03 GMT

and, because i hate you all, you should all listen to this if you can. it is quite possibly the worst song i've ever encountered. and quite possibly the worst i ever will. it's like it's been scientifically designed to be hated:

http://ubu.artmob.ca/sound/komar_melamid/KomarMelamid_The-Most-UnwantedSong.mp3

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 15:18:38 GMT

went to niagra falls this past weekend with most of my lab group (there are 25 of us total!). this is outside the 'cave of the winds' attraction. i really enjoyed it, but then i remembered the whole "this water is coming from one of the great lakes. i'm going to get cancer now. "and then, i remembered all the good things in the lovely superfund site Love Canal, located somewhere upriver, too. "supercancer" comes to mind. XD

despite the cancer, it was still a good time

-

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 01:29:18 GMT

well, it's been over a month since my last post. the summer is going well... unusually well. if i were a more superstitious person, i would probably brace myself for the inevitable crash that's bound to come. meh.

and now, some art!

- Page 7 of the comic

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 07:31:03 GMT

you ever have one of those days where you wake up and realize that something is very *very* wrong, but you can't put your finger on what it is? i've been having one of those. what the hell can someone do about something like that?

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:38:23 GMT

-some more random art

-and... A NEW PAGE OF COMIC (page 6, or 17 if you count the 11 pages of the previous attempt at this comic. the story somehow meshes, but not perfectly)! for whatever reason, scanning "color" instead of "greyscale" makes the shading show up much better.

Sun, 17 May 2009 05:22:48 GMT

well'h, i am now officially no longer an undergrad. i've walked.

Fri, 01 May 2009 13:27:28 GMT

-Kit, drawn by a friend of mine. damn, she's good.

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:58:15 GMT

So, it's been over a month since my last post. i'm a total slacker. i've been doing some drawing when able, but crunch time started pretty much with the coming with april. i have found to my distaste that even a liberal arts major (like i'm pretending to be this semester) can have some pretty heavy crunch times. of course, the workload that i've got is accentuated by TAing, which i've done all semester. with my own crunch time comes the crunch time that *i* get to inflict on *others!* which at first sounds great, but then now i've got to grade their shit. goddamnit.

ah, but what knocked me out of my silence and made me write this post? i came home from classes today to discover this in my email:

***
Dear Brian
I interviewed several excellent candidates for the research technologist positions in my lab. I was both impressed with your analytical skills and your enthusiasm for science. I would therefore like to offer you the position in my lab....
***

my jaw dropped, hear attack, etc etc. i now have employment. and not just any employment, but employment in a penn state research lab. true, it is a BMB lab, but hell, we're not all perfect. guess i've got to brush up on my microbiology.

though, i haven't been entirely idle in the art sector either. i tried to make some lineart that would be ideal for something that would allow strong light contrasts, but everything i drew had flaws or i simply didn't like it enough to stare at it any more. here's what i got:

-lines are a bit messy. the pose is dramatic enough, but there's not enough action in the background

-problems with anatomical proportions. the top half of the rabbit and the bottom half are fine on their own, but they don't match up size-wise

-this one just looks too cool to risk destroying by coloring or shading :P

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 06:08:37 GMT

-action scenes!

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 21:41:13 GMT

merry ides of march! spring break is over, and now it's just a straight shot on to graduation. 1.5 months left of college.

-FIRE

-meditation perhaps?

-raccoon warrior